Let us Talk About Conversation

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What is conversation? How to determine a successful conversation?

The following definitions are gathered from various sources:

1. Conversation is communication by two, three, or more people. Conversations are the ideal form of communication in some respects, since they allow people with different views on a topic to learn from each other. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Conversation)

2. It is where two people talk spontaneously about something that may be of interest to both. (Speech Communication by Remedios V. Vinuya)

3. It is an informal talk between two individuals. (Speech Communication by Remedios V. Vinuya)
Its nature is less purposive, serious, and intimate than any other type of dyadic communication (e.g. dialogue, interview). This is a form of social entertainment. (Effective Speech Communication by Apolinario S. Saymo)

4. Its purpose is to transfer a message as smoothly as possible. It aims to talk with and not to lecture another. (Effective Speech Oral Communication by Fe O. Aquino)

5. It is not just about correct word usage. It entails a lively exchange of ideas. You can easily share thoughts, feelings and insights with others. (Effective Speech Oral Communication by Fe O. Aquino)

On the other hand, a conversation is said to be successful when both two persons involved in the conversation process had fulfilled to share the ideas and information they wanted to provide to each other and had gained new understanding or knowledge about the topic or person being discussed. Let us take for example a scenario that you have an unexpected conversation with your boss about a particular topic-- if you provided the information that you wanted to share to your boss and it satisfied him, the conversation is said to be successful, much the same to the person that you had conversed to.

What are the indicators of a bad conversation? How to avoid them?

A conversation is considered bad or ineffective when the flow of ideas and information being conversed is interrupted due to some reasons like:

a. The person that you are conversing with has no interest to the topic that you discuss.

b. Some of the words that you had spoken offended him personally and it urged him to argue against your idea or information.

c. The listener is inattentive.

d. You had talked too much about yourself or a particular topic that made the other person bored and disinterested.

Furthermore, asking overly personal questions to other persons during a conversation may also indicate bad and ineffective communication. Even if the other person might be willing to talk about it, you may end up learning things that you really do not want to know. You certainly do not want the other person to think afterward that you coerced them into revealing personal information. (Wikihow: How to Have a Great Conversation) Another thing is that being a disrespectful converser may also end up hurting the other person that you are conversing with. This is particularly the case when you cut the person off mid-sentence. It disrespects him and it seems that what you have to say is more important than what others have to say. Let the person finish their thoughts and then continue on with thoughts of your own.

On the other hand, there are several tips that are worth following in order to avoid an ineffective conversation. These are some of the different tips I had gathered from different sources and they are arranged in parallel to the indicators of a bad conversation listed above: 

a. Try to get them talking about something they enjoy thinking about and something that you’re interested in hearing or else the conversation isn’t fulfilling and one of you will feel unsatisfied with it. (Wikihow: How to Have a Great Conversation)

b. Beware of topics that can be inflammatory-- such as religion and politics-- and don’t venture into them unless you know the person has roughly the same convictions as you, or the circumstances otherwise allow for pleasant discussion. (Effective Speech Oral Communication by Fe O. Aquino)

c. The same with letter a.; try to open a topic that is something interesting.

d. Less is more. Most of you like to talk about yourselves. Don’t! In the process of explaining yourselves, you tend to forget that there is another person involved in the conversation. The more you talk about yourselves, the more people shun you. Remember that being a good listener is better than being a good talker. You are able to gain more information and after all, what you talk about, you already know. (Effective Speech Oral Communication by Fe O. Aquino)

Copyright by Frances O. Ponce