This medal is a symbol of two powerful emotions: fear and motivation. And these two emotions will determine who and what will you become in the future. They are the sources and foundation of your actions, decisions, and choices-- small or big-- which will either make you or break you.
Today, I will speak about dreams and how I came about realizing in a hard way the dangers of focusing too much on numbers and end results as a measure of success and self-worth.
Who among you think you are successful in your chosen field? What is your perception about success and excellence? Is it based on medals and certificates you earn?
When I was still in high school, I thought that success is always measured by grades and number of medals. I graduated salutatorian, achieved PGMA excellence award in campus journalism, and obtained several other awards to the point that I looked awkward for having so many medals hanged around my neck. Although I haven't achieved the topmost rank, which is Valedictorian, I felt proud and a sense of accomplishment. And I thought those accomplishments made my parents happy and proud.
College days came and it provided me an opportunity to set new goals. Again I always carry this belief in me that success is all about getting high grades and achieving awards. My happiness and well-being are always tied up to that idea. The first semester of my first year ends and I managed to be the top 1 in the whole College of Commerce. I also won the championship in our Accounting Wizard contest.
I felt elated and very proud for landing top 1 and I can say that that was one of the best moments of my life. These achievements fed my ego which I did not realize was already destroying my life. I became arrogant and I saw myself as something special.
When I reached 2nd year I started to lose momentum and my performance started to decline. I thought maybe I am not doing my best and I probably need to work harder. Upon reaching 3rd year I was at my worst and was totally burnt out. I almost failed in my Computer Programming subject which I considered my forte.
I am still holding on this thought that I need to get high grades and I should reach the highest honors when I graduate not realizing that I was already burnt out. My ego is telling me that I need to maintain my ranking or else people will think that I am a total failure. I had this fear that I may not be good enough to other people especially my parents and my peers.
My self-esteem started to plummet. Close friends noticed that I seem sad and too serious all the time and asked me if there is something wrong. I blatantly said that I am fine and I am just tired because of school work. My ego hinders me from letting myself be vulnerable and open up with my close friends and family afraid that they might judge me negatively.
